Day 27 - Diary to my unborn son

Dhruv, you are a lucky little guy, maybe even more so than your sister because you had one more person to pray and wait for your arrival than she did.  I’ll tell you a secret, no matter how cool she acts towards you, no matter what she says and does, she loves you to death, adores you. Don’t for a minute believe otherwise, even when it doesn’t feel like it. She sobbed and wept when she saw or heard of stories of something sad happening to babies. She kissed my tummy everyday at the door when she left for school even when I wasn’t showing yet, and even after you were born but when you were in your crib sleeping – how odd it must have looked to anyone passing by!

We were trying for a year to have you. We waited and prayed and planned for you.

November 27, 2007:

My birthday. I find out that I am pregnant! And when we tellyour sister the news, she is exultant. She credits your arrival to her heartfelt prayers. And she is right! We go out to celebrate at South Indies that had just opened. And they give me a teeny tiny little chutney jar – a baby jar. So appropriate. This is the most beautiful birthday that I have ever had. Ever.

November 28, 2007:

A doctor formally confirms that I am indeed pregnant. I can’t believe my eyes. Or ears! I have my first scan at Manipal Hospital and check it out for myself.

We are now getting used to the idea that pretty soon; we will no longer be just the three of us, but four! We decide to celebrate properly and plan a quick trip to Bangkok to visit your athai and cousin Trayi. We will celebrate Mom and Dad’s tenth anniversary there. We shop for tickets and deals and everything.

Jan 9, 2008:

I have my next scan and the doctor hits us with some bad news – we can’t go to Bangkok after all. I have something called a low-lying placenta – in other words I can’t travel. So there go all our plans. But it’s okay, we all love you anyway!

Jan 18, 2008:

Mommy and Daddy’s 10^th anniversary which we were supposed to celebrate in Thailand – instead we end up spending the day in a place called Angsana – a lovely place. But I can’t do half the stuff there – guess why? Because I am pregnant! Now, if it was anyone else who was playing spoilsport, I would have been upset – but it is you! I can't get upset with you!

March 19, 2008:  

I go for another scan, to make doubly sure that everything is okay with you. Thank goodness, you turn out to be fine.  

April, 2008:

Again, we make plans to go to Bangkok. Again, they don’t materialize. But this time it isn’t your fault. But Dhwani goes with Ammamma and Thatha - she goes to spend a month with Cousin Trayi and has a whale of a time. She returns by the end of the month.

May 8, 2008:

We realize that you are in my tummy in the breech position. That means you are upside down - not the way you are supposed to be. The doctor says it could still happen. So we have not yet given up hope.

May 9, 2008:

We fly out to Chennai a little earlier than we had originally planned. You, me and Dhwani, with Usha Ammummai.

June 1, 2008:

It is time for Dhwani’s school to re-open. We all go to Bangalore to attend a function and leave Dhwani behind to stay with Ammamma and Thatha for a few months and go to school while I stay back in Chennai to have you. I don’t think I’ve ever done anything more difficult than that. But she goes through with it. For you.  Dad and Dhwani come every second weekend to spend some time with us.  They must have made at least a dozen train rides during those months!

We get settled in Chennai – it is hot and sweaty, but we are happy. You are tumbling inside (even upside down!) and we notice that you seem to love music (I think you still do). There is one song in particular that you seem to love – the title track of a Malayalam serial - Guruvayurappan. I must try to find that song and play it to see if you still like it!

May 31, 2008:

 We go in for what should be the final scan at the same hospital that your sister was born, which had worked out fine back then. It confirms what we already knew – that you are upside down. But to be told that, we wait for over four hours! We decide to go to Thatha’s hospital for a second opinion. And boy, am I glad we did!

You see, we find out there that not only are you upside down, which is bad enough, but you have the umbilical cord around your neck! This is not a very good thing and we have to keep a close watch on you! Naughty little fellow! The radiographer describes the position you are in, upside down, cord around your neck, hand holding on to the cord, and leg stretched out. Now, babies are supposed to be all curled up in their moms’ tummies – that’s called the fetal position. You, on the other hand, are resting like an Emperor after a large meal!

So, I have to have surgery to get you out – there is no other option. But will you be able to make it to nine months – It has been only seven and a half months!

So we have to go in once week for scans to make sure you were growing well. And you were – for the first few weeks.

Jun 27, 2008:

We go in for one of these routine scans in the morning and the docs are not very happy with you! They want to get you out immediately. But we haven’t planned or prepared –we tell the docs that we’ll be back the next day which gives us a little time to pack our stuff and set the house in order. For your sister we had days and weeks to get the house painted and cleaned and everything. But you hurried us all up!

June 28, 2008 – 8:34 AM:

I am wheeled into surgery – I am awake throughout the procedure. I can see lights on the ceiling and stainless instruments gleaming. Some time later I hear the doctor announce, “It’s a boy!” I am elated and ecstatic. But a little worried from all the movies I’d watched. Imagine, all the books that I’d read, all the studying I’d done – and when the time came, what comes into my mind are silly Hindi movies!

“Why isn’t he crying?” I ask. Babies must cry when they’re born. I know that much. Turns out that since you were upside down with the cord around your neck, not once but twice, your bottom came out a few minutes before your face.

But out you come and cry you do. Lustily, with your tiny little face all scrunched up and your little fists all balled up. But you are so little (about 2.5 kg) and so new to the world that you are placed in an incubator for a couple of days in the Neonatal ICU (NICU). But pretty soon you move in with me and your grandmom takes care of us both till we are strong enough to go home, first to our home in Chennai, and then back to Bangalore.