If you have ever taken an overnight train in India, you would have asked yourself the unpoken question predominant in most travellers' minds: Was the average Indian train constructed for the average Indian traveller? The answer to this is an emphatic NO. This manifesto moves to prove this point.
Firstly, take the width of the average Indian berth. The proportion of the width of the average berth to the average Indian rear end is about 0.75:1. This means that a quarter of all Indian bottoms are designed to hang out of an Indian berth. Obviously, turning over in one's sleep, which the average human is prone to doing naturally and many times a night, is impossible in this situation.
Next, take the height of an upper berth in an average 3-tier train. The upper berth is designed to be a full head above the head level of the average Indian traveller. Divide this by the average fitness and monkey bar climbing finesse of the average Indian traveller and multiply by the steep difficulty of the rungs, and the probability of the average Indian managing to climb up on that berth without misadventure is a pretty pathetic 0.001%.
Clearly, the berths in which we have to squash ourselves into and perform inhuman acrobatics to climb up on were not designed originally for us, but for a species that is at least a quarter slimmer and much more springy than the average human, and perhaps has a cylindrical torso which makes somnombulent rolling over easy and fun.
Now, take the taps in an Indian train. You have to keep pressing up on the tap to start the flow of water. If you take away your hand to wash your face or anything else that needs washing, you run out of water. Evidently, the taps in a train were designed especially for a species that either had its face in its hands or had a long antenna that could keep the water going while it washed its other essentials.
Has it ever occurred to you that the bathrooms, sorry latrines, in a train look like they were designed as kind of an after thought? I mean, four latrines for roughly seventy humans designed to answer nature's persistent calls roughly every four hours, latrines that are actually large holes that empty out into the tracks? Yes, they were an afterthought, because obviously, the trains were originally built for a species that nature never once called. Think about it, why else would we have latrines that have a total of about two square inches that a human can actually stand on where you can close the door without having a shoe fall through the hole?
Now about the food, or what passes for food, that you get on trains, how often have you complained that it wasn't fit for human consumption? Exactly! The food that you get was originally flavored oil intended for this alien species to lubricate its springy joints.
Next time you get on that train and are tempted to whine and whinge about any of these things - just remember. Indian trains are the way they are for a simple reason. They weren't designed for the average Indian, not even the average human. There, doesn't that explain a whole lot?
Firstly, take the width of the average Indian berth. The proportion of the width of the average berth to the average Indian rear end is about 0.75:1. This means that a quarter of all Indian bottoms are designed to hang out of an Indian berth. Obviously, turning over in one's sleep, which the average human is prone to doing naturally and many times a night, is impossible in this situation.
Next, take the height of an upper berth in an average 3-tier train. The upper berth is designed to be a full head above the head level of the average Indian traveller. Divide this by the average fitness and monkey bar climbing finesse of the average Indian traveller and multiply by the steep difficulty of the rungs, and the probability of the average Indian managing to climb up on that berth without misadventure is a pretty pathetic 0.001%.
Clearly, the berths in which we have to squash ourselves into and perform inhuman acrobatics to climb up on were not designed originally for us, but for a species that is at least a quarter slimmer and much more springy than the average human, and perhaps has a cylindrical torso which makes somnombulent rolling over easy and fun.
Now, take the taps in an Indian train. You have to keep pressing up on the tap to start the flow of water. If you take away your hand to wash your face or anything else that needs washing, you run out of water. Evidently, the taps in a train were designed especially for a species that either had its face in its hands or had a long antenna that could keep the water going while it washed its other essentials.
Has it ever occurred to you that the bathrooms, sorry latrines, in a train look like they were designed as kind of an after thought? I mean, four latrines for roughly seventy humans designed to answer nature's persistent calls roughly every four hours, latrines that are actually large holes that empty out into the tracks? Yes, they were an afterthought, because obviously, the trains were originally built for a species that nature never once called. Think about it, why else would we have latrines that have a total of about two square inches that a human can actually stand on where you can close the door without having a shoe fall through the hole?
Now about the food, or what passes for food, that you get on trains, how often have you complained that it wasn't fit for human consumption? Exactly! The food that you get was originally flavored oil intended for this alien species to lubricate its springy joints.
Next time you get on that train and are tempted to whine and whinge about any of these things - just remember. Indian trains are the way they are for a simple reason. They weren't designed for the average Indian, not even the average human. There, doesn't that explain a whole lot?
Hilarious :)
ReplyDeleteHad a nice laugh..
Gosh! I was planning to describe an Indian Train journey for one of my blogs! Now that one goes out of the Idea basket :) Good one!.
ReplyDeleteWhy would you throw it out - I think Indian Railways has enough inherent fodder to fill whole books!
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